So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
