Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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