note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
