Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize