Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize