What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
