You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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