He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
