Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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