so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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