I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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