Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
