Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
