im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just cropdusted the office
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
