i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
