Swine flu. Run for my life!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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