Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
