just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
