I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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