You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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