He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
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I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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