My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
