Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
