She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
