There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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