Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
tell me about the eggs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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