just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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