You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
