who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
