yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize