I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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