Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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