Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize