I have demons in me.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
