I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
