I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize