it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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