Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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