I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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