My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
