i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
