We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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