K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
