My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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