Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
