you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
