well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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