FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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