There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
