I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm like, not good at living.
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