Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
