It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Two words: blizzard sex
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
