It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
