a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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