PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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