I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize