Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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