think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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