if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
